Unity in your relationship is your responsibility.
Has God opened your heart to someone? Has he drawn your heart to someone?
Is God calling you towalk in relationship with them? (See Relationship Topic - Pre-Requisities of Courtship)
Are they someone you feel God may have you marry in his perfect timing if He confirms it in both of you?
If they are not someone you feel you might marry someday, why are you dating them? You are stealing from your future spouse and theirs.
But if they are someone that you feel God may have you marry, and you feel God has brought you together...
He has a purpose for it. That purpose is to walk together to grow in God and with each other. God will grow you together and confirm in both of you if it is His will for you to be married and when.
He brings two people together because they are better together than they are apart. And God chooses the timing, because he wants you walking together in this season, for His purpose. It’s because you need each other in this season. He brought you together in this season, He has a purpose for you in this season, or he wouldn’t have introduced you until sometime in the future. He doesn’t make mistakes.
If God is calling you into relationship, He wants you to walk together from this day forward, unless or until he directs both of you otherwise. You will only find this out by walking together, seeking him together, and letting God lead you and confirm in you his will and his perfect time for marriage. God chooses the timing – both of when we meet, and when we marry, not us. Trust Him.
Here is a question. If God has joined you together to pursue a growing relationship in God and each other, and ultimately pursue his will for marriage – what does the devil want to do? If he senses God is moving in your life, he will send people to come against it. He will do anything to destroy or prevent the blessing God has for you, and will use anyone he can to do it.
John 10:10 - The thief comes only to steal, kill and destroy: I have come that they may have life, and have it in abundance.
God’s plan for Unity
I Corinthians 1:10 - I appeal to you brothers, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, that all of you agree with one another so that there may be no divisions among you, and that you may be perfectly united in mind and thought.
Romans 15:4-5 -Now the God of patience and consolation grant you to be likeminded one toward another according to Christ Jesus: That you may with one mind and one mouth glorify God, even the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ.
II Corinthians 13:11 - Finally, brothers and sisters, farewell. Strive for restoration, comfort one another, be of one mind, live in peace. And the God of love and peace will be with you.
Philippians 2:2 - Then make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and purpose. Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider (each other) better than yourself.
Philippians 1:27 - Only conduct yourselves in a manner worthy of the gospel of Christ, so that whether I come and see you or remain absent, I will hear of you that you are standing firm in one spirit, with one mind striving together for the faith of the gospel.
I Peter 3:8 - Finally all of you, be like minded, be sympathetic, love one another, be compassionate and humble.
If God desires every person in the body of Christ to be of one mind, how much more does He want the two of you to be of one mind and heart? – (The one God has joined your heart to, who you are seeking God together with for his perfect will and timing for marriage.) If the body of Christ is called to walk in unity, how much more should the two of you walk in unity – unless God himself separates you?
How much more should the two of you be: not divided, perfectly united in mind and thought, with one mind and one mouth glorifying God, striving for restoration, comforting each other, being of one mind, with the same love, being one in spirit and purpose, standing firm in one spirit, striving together for the obedience of Christ, like minded, loving each other.
Matthew 19:5-6 - and said, ‘For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and cleave to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh. So they are no longer two but one. Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate. (KJV - let not man put asunder)
Someone will immediately say. “But you are not married yet!” “You are not joined together yet.” Is this true? Or is this a lie?
Yes it’s true that you are not married yet. Proverbs 18:22 - He who finds a wife, finds what is good and receives favor from the Lord.
How many men do you know that have found a wife – that they were already married to?
Not a single one. That means God brought someone to them, joined them to someonefor a number of days before the actual wedding, and the act of becoming one flesh. But when did God join them together?
If God has not joined you together to walk together – you have no business in exclusive relationship with this person.
But if GOD joined you together. Who Are You Allowing to put you asunder?
Who are you allowing to separate you? What seed are you allowing to be sown into your mind and spirit? The seed of unity or the seed of separation, the seed of marriage or the seed of divorce?
If God is telling you to walk with someone – the devil will use whomever he can to separate you. Will you let the devil get a foothold in your mind and spirit regarding one another?
But what if we are not supposed to get married? Then, God will make it abundantly clear! He’s a BIG GOD!
If your heart is to seek him together and obey him fully, you will not want to marry someone if you are not who God has for them – nor will God let you. But if He joined you together. God’s command to YOU is do not let anyone separate you.
Romans 16:17 - I urge you brothers, to watch out for those who cause divisions and put obstacles in your way that are contrary to the teaching you have learned. Keep away from them.
In other words, if God has told you to do something (the teaching you have learned) – to walk with each other in this season of life seeking and trusting him until HE tells you differently... Then WATCH OUT! Your adversary the devil will send those who will cause division in your spirit, and between you! He will often use those closest to you! Watch out for them! You overcome your adversary the devil, by resisting him.
Proverbs 6:16 - There are six things the LORD hates, seven that are an abomination to him; a proud look, a lying tongue, hands that shed innocent blood, a heart that devises wicked schemes, feet that are quick to rush into evil, a false witness who pours out lies and a man who sows discord among brothers.
Sowing seeds of discord into friendships (or even more importantly – your potential marriage relationship!) God takes issue with! In fact – he hates it. It’s an abomination. Who are you allowing to sow seeds of discord into your relationship? God said - Let not man put asunder.
This is talking to you. Let not – means Do Not Let People Put Asunder (or separate) what God has put together.
Leave: (Matthew 19:5-6) means to leave down, leave behind, abandon, forsake. Some of these people sowing seeds of discord into the relationship God has called you to; you need to leave behind.
Abandon them! not your spouse or your potential spouse-to-be.
Cleave: (Matt 19:5-6) (Pros-Kollao)
Pros – toward, forward to, by the side of. Kollao (to glue your self to, to stick to like glue , join self to, keep company with)
That’s why when God joins you together – you live life together from this day forward, until God joins you in marriage – or reveals to both of you that He has a different plan for you. To "stick like glue", walk side by side, letting nothing or no-one get in between you. Let no man put asunder – or separate.
If you don’t believe God has drawn you together – you have no business being in a relationship. But if you believe God has joined you together to pursue his will together for your lives and marriage – then God is telling you… "Do not let anyone separate you."
This means do not allow them to talk against – what God has told you to do. It will take a resolve to obey God’s Word. It will take a willful act on your part to love your potential spouse-to-be (should God confirm it - and after marriage – certainly your Spouse) over and above other influencers in your life – no matter how close they are or were to you.
No matter who it is, your husband or wife will always be closer. If it’s your family, you lived with them for the first 20 years of your life, but you will live with your husband or wife for the next 70 or 80 years! What my brother or sister says or thinks about my relationship or marriage, I don’t care. I care what God thinks, what God says, and what my spouse thinks.
If sincere and Godly people in your life are giving sincere, prayerfully sought, heartfelt counsel, then honor them by listening and tell them you will pray about it. And do it.
Is your relationship focused on God? Are you honoring God's standard of purity? Are you growing, not only in your love for God, and your love for each other, but in obedience to the things God is calling you to do in this season of preparation for life and marriage?
(See- Relationship Topics: Qualities of a Godly Best Friend, Before you Date My Daughter, Eleven Things you need in a Husband/Wife and Hedges - God's plan for Long and Short Distance Relationships).
If you are more Godly and growing more because of this relationship, and you feel God wants you to continue pursuing him together regarding marriage and timing, God may well be leading you to marry this person.
If not, you can fall in love with someone who doesn't really lead you toward God and toward his plan for you.
You may be blind to this.
Godly counselors in your life (including family members) can see things you don't. If seeking God is not the priority of your relationship, and others see it but you don't; Heed. Be open to a multitude of Godly counsel.
But remember, if your relationship is God directed, and focused on obedience to God, He will lead the two of you and confirm through others.
He will lead you by His Spirit, not lead you through other people's opinions.
All those who merely sow seeds of discord, cut them off. Do not let the devil use others to try to steal, kill and destroy the blessing that God has for you, through doing what God has told you to do. God will determine and reveal His ultimate will regarding marriage to the two of you, not all your opinionated friends.
If you allow them to now, they will surely sow seeds of discord into your marriage later. What they do now, they will do then (or God is a liar.) Whoever is faithful with little is faithful with much, and whoever is unrighteous with little is unrighteous also in much. – Luke 16:10
Years ago we knew a couple, ten years older than us, both strong Christians. He owned a business, she was a Godly woman, who was a prayer warrior, and involved in women’s Bible Studies. I remember seeing him one day, heavy in heart. His wife was seeking a divorce. I asked him if he wanted God to save their marriage. He did, and said she was open to it, but several of her friends from her women’s prayer group, were continually encouraging her toward divorce. I was shocked. They eventually convinced her that God wanted her to be "happy", that if she wasn't happy, it wasn't God's will for her, God had something or someone better for her, than her husband… What a lie! But this marriage ended. And it troubles me to this day. Unity in your marriage must be guarded. It begins even before you are married.
If they will sow seeds of discord now, they will sow seeds of discord, disunity and divorce later, after you are married. Are you letting them?
Then you are allowing the devil a foothold into your mind, your life and your marriage. If you do not love God enough, or your spouse enough to stop them, you are not following the counsel of scripture.
Many weddings have what is called the “Community’s Declaration of Consent” in other words – while you are taking your marriage vows, the congregation, the witnesses also take a vow to help you uphold your marriage vows, never to entice you or influence you to break them.
The words used: “Will all of you witnessing these vows today, do all in your power to support these two in their vows of marriage? The Congregation answers in unison: “We Will.”
So how did Jesus deal with people who spoke against what God was telling him to do? No matter how sincerely they felt, or how well intending they were?
Jesus had just asked Peter (Matthew 16:15 - “But what about you?” he asked, “Who do you say I am?” Simon Peter answered, “You are the Christ, the Son of the living God.” Jesus replied, “Blessed are you Simon son of Jonah, for this was not revealed to you by man, but by my Father in heaven.”
So in this case, Peter was definitely hearing from God. But just a few verses later! In the same chapter!!! Jesus is explaining how the Messiah must suffer be killed and raised on the third day. In other words – He was sharing with them what GOD was telling him to do.
Matthew 16:22-23 - Peter took him aside and began to rebuke him. “Never, Lord!” he said, “This shall never happen to you.” Jesus turned and said to Peter. “Get thee behind me Satan. You are a stumbling block to me; you do not have in mind the things of God, but the things of men.”
Are you willing to tell Satan to get behind you? If someone is advising or trying to influence you to do something other than what God has told you to do?
If God has opened your heart to this person; if they are potentially the one God might have for you to marry, if you know and sense God’s hand in it, and are honoring God in this relationship, then know that God brought them at this time for His purpose in your life. Be faithful to God and to them in this season. Trust God to lead you together for a lifetime, or confirm that He has another plan.
Meanwhile, walk with God, and stick like glue to each other. Walk side by side, stuck like glue. Do not let anyone separate what God has joined together. God can do that all by himself. Learn to say – Get thee behind me Satan! Learn to put the devil behind you, learn to discern between truth and lie.
Do not allow others to sow seeds of discord into your relationship, nor try and convince you to do something other than what God is telling you to do. You can trust God to reveal his perfect plan and his perfect time if you are seeking him together.
Only surround yourself with those who speak life into your relationship, who provoke you to Godliness, prayer warriors, those who walk in the Fear of the LORD and encourage you to be faithful to God and your spouse or spouse-to-be!
If this relationship does not honor God, if He is not the center of your relationship, or if it isn't fully honoring to Him; then why are you in it?
But if you are honoring God in your conduct in this relationship, and God is leading you together to seek his will and timing in marriage, then do it, and…
Guard unity - it's your responsibility.
A PRISM Topic: is God’s Word on a single subject. A Relationship Topic is a perspective from God's Word on relationships. A PRISM Topic Packet is a grouping of PRISM or Relationship Topics of similar subjects... part of the M: Meditate on theWord of PRISM – (5 Things You Can Do Daily in God’s Word) to transform the way you think. Ask God what PRISM Topic or Relationship Topic He wants you to meditate on today.Take your PRISM Topic, Relationship Topic or Packet with you! Come back to them multiple times a day! “It is to be with him, and he is to meditate on it day and night, so that he may learn to fear the LORD…” - Deuteronomy 17:19