Relationship Topic - The Pre-Requisites of Courtship
Before entering into any exclusive relationship with someone - what must you consider if your heart is to honor God?
The two biggest questions of Courtship and Marriage are Who? and When?
If you have given your life to Christ, you will know that only God knows who, and when. And His ways are far higher than yours! That means the one He has created for you is more wonderful than you can imagine!
They are WORTH THE WAIT!But they are also waiting for you!
That’s why it is so important to let nothing distract you from focusing on your relationship with God, and what He is calling you to do in this season of life - to prepare for your future. Who are you becoming?
It could be that God is withholding the person of his choosing for you, until you are mature enough in the LORD and in the responsibilities of life, to be ready to begin that lifelong journey with them.
From our humble perspective, spending time in exclusive relationship, an intimate friendship with someone who will not become your husband or wife, we believe is stealing from your future spouse. We do not recommend it. Friendships that can best prepare you for marriage, we believe are family relationships, and friendships of the same sex.
Think for a minute about your future husband or your future wife and what they are doing right now.
Do you want them dating someone, engaging in intimate emotional and physical attachments with another person? Do you think they would want you doing those same things?
Everyone may not agree, and that’s OK, but you will need to seek God for His will for you in this matter and decide for yourself.
God has created someone specifically for you – perfectly suited to you in every way. They are not perfect, but they are perfectly suited to you. God wants to grow you together in the LORD and in the calling and purpose he has for both of you together.
He has already chosen the perfect time for you to meet, and begin this lifelong relationship that will reflect Christ to the world so the world can be drawn to Christ.
Genesis 2:18 says Adam was alone and it was not good. So God said He would make for Adam a helpmate suitable for him. And He created Eve to be his perfect helpmate.
God didn’t love Adam more than he loves you, or more than he loved Eve. That meant Adam was also the perfect person for Eve, and you can be sure that God has created the perfect helpmate suitable for you, and you for them.
There are many males and females out there. You could spend your time and affections on any one of them, but what does God want for you?
We encourage you to Pursue God with all of your heart, and prepare for your future, more than your future spouse.
When you meet them – that’s not the final destination, it’s just the beginning of your most critical life-long relationship to fulfilling your God-given purpose in life.
We would encourage you to only spend time in exclusive relationship with the person you believe might be the one God is drawing you to walk with for life.
The process of discovering if this is the One God has created for you - is a process we refer to as Courtship.
Dating, the way our culture does it, is often ‘divorce practice.’
We encourage people to pursue God, and only enter into an exclusive relationship when God reveals the person in his perfect timing.
If you have met someone that you think could be the one of God’s choosing for you; earnestly seek God on the timing and structure of this relationship. (“Hedges, Long and Short Distance Relationships” – will help you seek God on this.)
So what are some Pre-Requisites to consider before moving forward in any relationship that God may lead to marriage?
#1 Pre-requisite Of Courtship: Qualities What character qualities do they possess?
Do they possess the five qualities and pursuits of a young person preparing for marriage? Do they possess the Qualities of a Godly Best Friend? Do they possess the Eleven Things You Need in a Husband, or the Eleven Things You Need in a Wife?
Qualities are more important than looks. Proverbs 31:30 - Charm is deceptive and beauty is fleeting, but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised.
Do they Fear the LORD? If not, they are not the one God has for you. Period.
The Fear of the LORD is infinitely more important than how pretty or handsome or charming they are. This fully applies to a potential husband as well as a potential wife.
I Samuel 16:7 - But the LORD said to Samuel, "Do not look at his appearance or at the height of his stature, because I have rejected him; for God does not see as man sees, for man looks at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart."
Review the Relationship Topics: Before You Date My Daughter, Proverbs 31 for a Young Man, A Bad Eye, Qualities of a Godly Best Friend, Friend or Frien-emy, What should Friends Do, Eleven Things You Need in a Husband, and the Eleven Things You Need in a Wife.
These will help you tremendously in discovering God’s way of preparing for marriage, and discerning who the person is that God has for you.
The devil wants to spoil you, to ruin you with relationship entanglements. God wants to preserve you for the one He has created specifically for you, and you for them. Will you be faithful to Him even now? Will you be faithful to her even now?
Will you trust God to bring them in his perfect timing? His thoughts are not your thoughts, nor his ways your ways. Trust in the LORD with all of your heart, don’t lean on your own understanding. Isaiah 55:8-9 and Proverbs 3:5-6 apply fully to waiting on the LORD for the best friend and spouse He has for you. (Prerequisite #1: Qualities)
#2 Pre-requisite of Courtship: Life Season
Are you in the same season of Life? This is even more important than what age you are or what year of school you are in.
Are you within "x" months of the ability to get married? Do you know what God is calling you to do educationally to prepare for the future? Are you within striking distance of completion?
Requirements before marriage might be education, or the completion of anything God is calling you to complete before beginning a relationship that He will lead to marriage.
God may wait until after you have completed all life preparation before introducing you to the helpmate suitable for you…
Or He may bring you that person while you are still preparing because you need your helpmate right now, and they need you.
Are you willing to wait on the LORD and trust God for the right person for you and the right timing? And in the meantime are you pursuing God with all your heart, and the things He is calling you to do to prepare for your future? Not only vocationally, but ministry as well?
If you meet someone that is not in the same season of life. It could be that God’s timing for you to walk together is not arrived yet. But it could also mean that God has someone else for you and for them.
If you pursue relationships with someone that you are attracted to, but not in the same life season with, you could unwittingly be defrauding them; beginning something that you have neither the intention nor ability to complete.
Relationships always grow - they grow toward completion, of either unity or separation.
Separation is painful, and investing your life in someone other than your spouse is really stealing what God has for your spouse, and for you. It’s also stealing from the person you shouldn’t be dating and their eventual spouse.
The Bible says a wise man is cautious in friendship. (Prov 12:26) Since your marriage relationship is a friendship like no other, how much more cautious should you be in opposite sex relationships.
We would encourage you not to engage in any relationship with someone who is not in the same season of life. If they are not able or ready to pursue God with you to reveal his will for marriage and his perfect timing, it is by default a dating relationship. And all dating relationships end in heartache if not heartbreak.
Wait on the LORD! The person He has for you will be in the same season of life, and will want to walk with you from this day forward in discovering God’s will for both of you together. (Prerequisite #2: Life Season)
#3 Pre-requisite Of Courtship: Life Vision
Are you called to the same thing? Do you want the same things in life?
Amos 3:3 - Can two walk together, except they be in agreement?
The New Living Says: Can two people walk together without agreeing on the direction?
Be sure you share the same life calling, before you begin a relationship. If you are not careful, your bonds will grow quickly, but inevitably will have to be broken because different life visions, are like having two different foundations. No house can be built on two different foundations.
Here is a great mystery in the perfect will of God for every husband and wife:
The hopes and dreams of the wife will always be fulfilled within the purpose, calling and vision God has for her husband.
This is because God joins them together as one! In fact, neither one of you could ever be truly fulfilled in your life, or fulfill God’s purpose for your life, without the other. (Prerequisite #3: Life Vision)
#4 Pre-requisite Of Courtship: Drawing
Has God opened your heart to them? Has God drawn your heart to begin a relationship that God may lead to marriage?
Is this someone that you could wake up to every morning for the rest of your life?
Are you willing to choose to love them every day, to do them good all the days of your life starting right now, unless God would lead you differently?
Are you willing to seek God together with them to discover his perfect will for marriage and his perfect timing?
Are they willing to seek God together with you and marry you if that’s what God leads?
If not, they are not the one God has for you. And investing any time in them is taking from your spouse, and preventing you from running hard after God, and his will for your life. (Prerequisite #4: Drawing)
#5 Pre-requisite Of Courtship: Parents
Do both of your parents support this relationship? Do both of your parents support this kind of relationship?
If not, it will be difficult if not impossible, especially if you are not fully independent of your parents yet.
Do they support the priority, time and proximity required to seek God together to discover his will and perfect timing for marriage? Do they trust God in you? (Prerequisite #5: Parents)
#6 Pre-requisite Of Courtship: Unity
Are the two of you in agreement about courtship and marriage? Are you in agreement about the priority of a relationship that God may lead to marriage?
Do you believe God is calling you to walk together (live life together) seeking God for his will and timing for marriage if He confirms it in both of you?
Do you agree on hedges and the priority of this relationship? Do you put each other first? Do they honor your counsel? (Prerequisite #6: Unity)
These are some of the Prerequisites of Courtship. But are they really the Pre-Requisites of even Dating Someone?
One of your most important decisions as a young person is your view on dating.
What attention and affections will I give to someone of the opposite sex who is not my spouse?
What would my spouse think if they could see me right now? Would I be OK with them doing these things with someone else other than me?
The odds of the person you datebecoming your spouse are extremely slim. But the person God has called you to enter into a courtship relationship with; that will seek God together with you for his will and perfect timing for marriage; the odds of marrying that person are infinitely higher.
Do you want to date? - Engaging in emotional and physical intimacy with multiple people? Is that what you hope your spouse someday is doing right now?
Or are you willing to trust God and reserve your heart and affections for your spouse alone?
I pray that God will lead you to wait on Him - for the Helpmate He has created perfectly suited to you, which he will bring in his perfect timing. If you do this you will never regret it. If you don’t – you will surely have regrets. It could even cost you the one God had for you. They are being faithful to you - even now. Are you?
Fear God, Be Diligent, and Win Souls to the Salvation and Lordship of Jesus Christ. Ask the Holy Spirit to help you become the 11 Things you need in a Husband or Wife. Become what God wants you to BE for your spouse.
And God will bless you in the fullness of his perfect timing with a spouse beyond anything you can imagine!
He is faithful and they are so worth the wait!
A PRISM Topic: is God’s Word on a single subject. A Relationship Topic is a perspective from God's Word on relationships. A PRISM Topic Packet is a grouping of PRISM or Relationship Topics of similar subjects... part of the M: Meditate on theWord of PRISM – (5 Things You Can Do Daily in God’s Word) to transform the way you think. Ask God what PRISM Topic or Relationship Topic He wants you to meditate on today.Take your PRISM Topic, Relationship Topic or Packet with you! Come back to them multiple times a day! “It is to be with him, and he is to meditate on it day and night, so that he may learn to fear the LORD…” - Deuteronomy 17:19