11 Important Things In Marriage (Part2)

Love you all, praying for you,
 
I just love God’s Word.  It tells you how to build a marriage that works!  Praying that you’ll listen to yesterday’s Part 1 -  Eleven Important Things In Marriage.  #1 Sex #2 Commitment
 
#3 Love – Love isn’t more important than commitment?  No.  Without commitment it’s not a marriage kind of love.  You love lots of people, you are committed to one.  You mean love isn’t more important than sex.  Nope.  In a marriage if you aren’t willing to have sex, you don’t love them – not as a spouse.  Love is the third most important thing in marriage.  Marriages are established through love, grounded in love.  Not the feeling, the choosing and the doing.  What is love for God?  To obey Him.  What is love for others?  To prefer them - their needs over yours.  And love for your spouse is a different kind of love, the supreme human love.  It’s not like love for God – that’s greater, but it is greater than any other human love – nothing else is even close to love for your spouse.  It’s not just to prefer them, it means to lay down your life for them – the highest level of preferring them over you.  You do that with your spouse – above anyone else.  To be preoccupied with what is best for them, what they need, and what you can do to make their life the best it can possibly be…  To bring them joy, happiness, security, and a feeling of value that no-one but God can do better than you.  Your pre-occupation with what is best for them – is not to the point where you neglect your responsibilities.  We have responsibilities in life.  You can’t spend all day every day with your spouse.  Some guys are all about loving their wife.  She doesn’t need another back rub, more flowers or to make her dinner… she needs you to get a job and provide for your family.  We’re not talking about love being obsessed with someone, that’s not love, that psychosis.  We’re talking about love being committed to their good, fulfilling your own responsibilities in life, being everything you can be – for them…  And then doing everything you can do for them – so their life is filled with affection, confirmation, and support in all five love languages – in everything they need from a spouse that is their lover and best friend for life.   The only way you can love your spouse like this, is to first love God, then love them.  You can’t put them first, God comes first, they come second, and God will show you how to love them like they need the most, to love them and lay down your life for them, like He does. 
 
#4 Communication – Listening, speaking, understanding, agreeing, and affirming.   Conversation that leads to their sense of being loved and valued - is part of communication.   And communication goes beyond just words.  Everything you do to make them sense your love for them, is a part of communication in marriage.  Love Languages – We won’t go into them here, read the book, or goto the website.  Learn your spouse’s love languages and invest in them daily.  It will bring great results and great reward in your marriage.  Worth every bit of investment.  Communication requires regularly scheduled times.  Couch Time, and Date Nights.  Communication must be a priority time investment if you want a fulfilled marriage, and a fulfilled life. 
 
#5  Listen -  A very important thing in marriage and communication is to listen.  If you love someone, if you prefer them over yourself – you will listen.  That’s the first thing that demonstrates love.  If you are willing to listen, they will feel important, valued, they will feel like you love them.  It’s not just loving our spouse, they have to feel loved, or it doesn’t really count.  Not that it doesn’t count for anything, but if they don’t feel loved by you, are you really loving them?  We’re talking about love as a commitment not a feeling.  Listening means not talking, not fixing, sometimes not saying anything, Just let them say what they think, and what they feel.  It’s hard when things need fixed… or you’ve heard it before.  But a secret to listening is make time for it.  Just listening.  We’re talking about the recognition of love from you that they can see and feel – that’s obvious to them.  The better you get at listening, the better your marriage will become. 
 
#6  Deference – In marriage, you either defer to the preference of your spouse or insist on the preference of yourself.   If you always insist on having your way, that’s not really love, and your spouse won’t feel loved.  We’re not talking about compromise.  In compromise you give up something to get something.  But in marriage love defers because love gives without expecting anything in return.  Deferring is to give something to someone else important to them, that you choose to give, for their benefit and enjoyment.  That doesn’t mean you should compromise on mutually agreed upon non-negotiables in marriage… But it does mean giving up something that’s important to you, for something that’s important to them.  Even simply willing to yield to another way of doing something… Or what they would enjoy or rather do at this time, before something you would rather do, or a way you would rather do it.  You only prefer things because you think they’re better, but they may not be.  You may just be unaware of things better than what you’ve experienced or how you have always done it.  A person unwilling to defer doesn’t have a good marriage.  They don’t want the best for their spouse they want the best for themselves.  Only its just what they think is best for themselves, not what really is.  God gave you a spouse for a reason – defer whenever you can.  Learn what they love, and learn to love to do what they love, so they feel loved.  Love them more than you love you.
 
Praying you’ll come back tomorrow for the rest of Eleven Important Things in Marriage…
 
Love you all,
dad