Love you all, praying for you. 
 
I just love God’s Word.  It separates between the real and the fake.  What is an idol?   Something not God, that takes the place of God in your life.  Sometimes idols are not obvious.  Not many have a golden calf… that looks like one.  Anything that replaces God in importance, pre-eminence, or priority.  “Thou shalt have no other gods before me.”  Sometimes sin can be a god.  Sometimes fear, or fear of man can be a god, sometimes money or greed or wealth can be a god.  Whatever captures your attention and affection or that you put your trust in… instead of calling on the Name of The LORD your God.    Sometimes a relationship can be a god.  Sometimes a career can be a god.  Sometimes your own way of doing things can be a god.  Sometimes your dependence on yourself can be a god, your strategies to survive and advance in life, your knowledge, strength or ingenuity.  Some may trust in horses, some may trust in chariots…  People trust in many things to save them.  As God says about the rich,  Proverbs 18:11 – The wealth of the rich is their fortified city; they imagine it a wall too high to scale.  Anything that replaces God in your life, or the position He should hold.  Position #1 – of your attention, affection, or trust – that’s an idol.    Are there any idols in your life that God wants you to remove?  If you ask Him, He’ll tell you.  Because He wants what is best for you, and idols always keep you from God’s best, and could end up in your ruin and destruction.  Idols are just fake, not real.  They seem to be worth the time and effort and attention, but they are not, they are powerless.  They are false, useless.  God has better.  He is better, His ways are better, His presence is better, His Word is better.  These will establish you, not enslave you, like idols do.  Psalms 16:4 – Those who run after other gods will suffer more and more.  God warned of false pursuits, trusting in other things.  Psalms 115:3 – Our God is in heaven; he does whatever pleases him.  Their idols are merely silver and gold, made by human hands.  They have mouths, but cannot speak, eyes, but cannot see.  They have ears, but cannot hear, noses but cannot smell.  They have hands, but cannot feel, feet, but cannot walk, nor can they utter a sound with their throats.  Those who make them will be like them, (deaf and dumb), and so will all who trust in them.  As unreliable and worthless in the day of trouble as any idol is, so will they be that trust in them (deaf and dumb, unreliable and worthless.  God’s ways and His plans for you are what will bring you to the fruitful life that you long for.  All those who chase idols are after something, something only God can give, that idols cannot.  Safety, Protection, Significance, Contentment, Peace, Joy, Favor, Enduring prosperity of mind, body, soul, and spirit.  Joy beyond happiness…  Eternal Reward, and everything you need down here – added.  Seek first His Kingdom and His Righteousness, and you won’t fall prey to idols.  They are worthless.  God has so much better.  Start with His Plans for your day.  PiVAT before dinner – a conversation that He’s just waiting to have with you every day!  He delights in the smallest details of your life, and His plans for you are Masterful!  Start next with PRISM – those five things you can do in His Word every day.  It will teach you His Ways, and will remind you of His great love for you, and his unlimited power to help you and sustain you, and fulfill the purpose He has for you.  Start next with your Daily Call – God said it’s how you overcome the enemy.  The pull of idols in your life, the shiny but worthless…  Be faithful with 4C’s.  Know where God’s money is, and ask Him what He wants you to do with it.  He’ll tell you, and you’ll learn to love God, not money.  He will establish you in wisdom, and excellence, in hope and harvest – a life full of fruit.  He’ll be with you in trials, and bring you through every storm.  His ways are above your ways, if you let Him lead you – you will get to places you never even dreamed.  He has good in store for you – for those who fear Him. 
 
Love you all,
dad

Love you all, praying for you. 
 
I just love God’s Word – It gives secrets.  You are what you give priority to.  Have you thought about a getaway before the summer ends?  Maybe The Dells if you live in Wisconsin, Cowan Lake if you live in Southwest Ohio, or Lake Cumberland if you live in Kentucky?  Maybe Labor Day Weekend – before the new school year starts?  Praying that you will create trip traditions in your family, every time you travel somewhere.  If you do, it will have lifelong impact on generations to come.   #1  Ask God to protect the car – to put his angels of protection around it – to give you safety on this trip #2 Pray that you’ll be better friends by the time you get there.   Better friends with Him, better friends with your spouse, and better friends with your family members.  In thirty years of praying this prayer, God has never – not answered our request.    And #3 Give Him the First Fruits of the car ride.  Praying that this will become a family tradition for you.   Are you willing to give the firstfruits of your trip – to God?  Just do PRISM together.  PRISM: Praise the Word.  Mom or Dad whoever’s not driving… just read a verse in Psalms, and take turns, parents first, “praising God using the words of that verse.”  When your kids see you do it, they’ll do it too.  The couple verses of Psalms that you read, one at a time, they could be praise words, or they’ll remind you of Praise.  Even “Why have you forsaken me?” reminds you of Jesus’ promise.  “I will never leave you nor forsake you!”  That’s worth praising Him for!  As your kids see your example, they will join in.  From the time they are little children, God has ordained praise.  Teaching your children how to Praise the Word, how to give God the firstfruits of your trip, of your drive-time, is powerful.  It will change the atmosphere.  The Holy Spirit will come into that car!  Before the kids get lost in their iphones and movies… from a new Disney trying to corrupt the heart of your child.  Why not Give God the First fruits of every trip.  Every car ride.  PRISM by yourself is awesome, God speaks!  But PRISM together with others!!  It starts a fire!  God will inhabit that car or mini-van.  Because He inhabits the praise of His people.  Then read one chapter of R: Read the Word of PRISM -  Maybe a great story of the Old Testament where God split the red sea, or used a young boy to kill a giant.  Maybe I Corinthians or I John that teaches us what love looks like, and how to love each other as a family.  Then the Proverbs Chapter for today… whatever today’s date is.  Do you want wisdom to take root in your children’s heart?.  Give God the firstfruits of your trip, and you will see God increase their understanding, and open their minds to true wisdom, and God’s discernment.   Your kids will become wise beyond their years.  Praying that your Summer Trip – starts with the firstfruits given to God.  It will change your trip, your car, your relationships, it will set an atmosphere where the Holy Spirit moves, and the peace of God can remain.  Praying that Every Car Ride – you’ll give the first fruits to God. 
 
Love you all,
dad

​Love you all, praying for you,
 
I just love God’s Word.  It tells you what’s impressive and what’s not.  The disciples made it a point to mention to Jesus how impressive the temple was.  Jesus informed them that not one stone will be left on another.  That’s why there is no temple in Jerusalem today.  But there will be.  Have you ever noticed how we tend to be impressed by things, that shouldn’t impress us?  God’s Word always gives you the plumb line for life - what’s valuable, and what’s not, what’s impressive, and ‘not so much.’  I saw an interview recently – and just realized the greatest coach of all time.  And I can’t believe I’m saying this, because they are our bitter rivals – He’s the coach of ‘the team up north.’  His record isn’t stellar, he’s lost to his major rival (us) multiple years in a row – enough to fire most coaches.  But last year He did really well and the team was highly successful, surpassing their foe in perhaps the greatest rivalry in sports for the first time in many years.  I’ve never hated him, but I’ve never been a fan, until yesterday – when God showed me – the greatest coach of all time.   How does God rank coaches?  By wins?  Conference Titles? National Championships?   I think God rates them by character and influence.  Like He rates queens, like Esther, whom Mordecai admonished –  “If you say nothing, you and your family will perish, and God will bring deliverance from another place… and who knows that you have not been raised up for such a time as this.”  These are those times.   How many winning coaches run around on their wives, commit recruiting violations, verbally abuse players and staff…  That’s not a winning coach – that’s a disgrace.   How many times have you heard one of these famous coaches say…  God, Family, and Football.  Those three priorities in that order.  It sounds good, but are they telling the truth?  This coach did.  In an interview ripe with social pressure, the cancel crowd just salivating waiting for a coach or politician, actor, musician, company owner or influencer to slip up – to say one thing that is not endorsed by the godless left – the purveyors of perversion, the shills for socialism.  The topic:  Life - and the sanctity of it.  Better not go there… This coach did.  In an interview when asked that question, he didn’t blink.  He said we’re about God, Family, and Football.  And I think He’s the first coach that really means it.  He said when it comes to life and the issue of abortion.  We should have a conversation about it – he recognizes people have passionate opinions on both sides.  But he said “It is too important an issue not to talk about.”  And then He did what no coach I’ve ever seen has done.  Unlike companies today – like Kroger who pay their employees four thousand dollars to kill their baby, why not help them have the baby.  (That’s why after a thousand dollar a month habit at Kroger for years, we refuse to shop there any longer.  We’ll go to Aldi, or Walmart.  But unlike Kroger and these Corporations who have lost any moral compass, this coach of a major University Football program said out loud, not just what He believes, but how he backs it up.  He said what He tells every one of his players.  Don’t have an abortion.  (I’m sure he encourages faithfulness to your wife and family) but if you made a mistake, don’t kill the child.  Let the child live, just have the baby, and if you don’t want it, or no-one in your family wants the child, my wife and I will take it.  We have a big house!  (Ironically the name of their football stadium) but the coach was talking about his house.  He said, we’ll just raise that child as a part of our family.  Wow!  He's got a hundred players on His team.  Perhaps the most polarizing topic in America today – the cowardice of the Supreme Court to refuse to fix what they broke in 1973 – allowing murder of innocent children.  Their evil decision has been taught to children and young adults as ‘settled law’ making them actually believe murdering someone is a Constitutional Right?  It is not.  The Supreme Court doesn’t make laws – the legislature does – 6th Grade Government Class – that college graduates cannot seem to understand.  After another failure of the Supreme Court - now left to the states, this abomination has created a divide in America not seen since the days of slavery.  Life and Death states, just like Slave and Free States.  God is watching.  The blood is crying out from the ground.  If you think God will do nothing, you have no understanding of the Holiness of God.  Yet this coach did more than have a silent opinion.  This coach spoke the truth boldly, something that if he had a losing record, could have lost him his job.  Praise God for Michigan’s success last year.  Did I just say that as an Ohio State Buckeye fan for life!  Yes I did.  Praise God, because it gave a man of great courage a platform to stand on – and more than just say something, he put his money, his own home, and his own family – where his mouth is.  Just let the baby live.  If no one wants it - we’ll take that baby.  Choose Life!   Yesterday, I just discovered the greatest coach of all time.  Not limited to his profession, but speaking truth to a nation.  What if every coach that quotes "God, Family, and Football" – ad nauseum, would join with Jim Harbaugh and give the same offer to their players?  Be faithful to your wife… before and after you are married, but if you’ve made a mistake, let the baby live!  If no one wants it, we will raise that child as a part of our family…  We have a big house.  Every single coach has a big house.  What if coaches around the country joined Jim Harbaugh in this offer to their players.  And if they can’t, just connecting a network of families who would willingly adopt an abortion risk child.  It could change the mindset of a country.  It could turn away judgment from a nation for the blood of the innocents.   I’ve just realized the greatest coach of all time.  I didn’t know it ‘til yesterday.  I pray that God starts a tidal wave of truth and repentance in this nation – so that we return to our roots – the recognition of Divine Providence for these United States of America.  And that we would return to our original pursuit of life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.  Of liberty and justice for all.   We just need a few people like the greatest coach ever… to live their motto.  God, Family, and Football.  I will no longer say, “Michigan Sucks, Go Bucs” – there are many things so much bigger than football.    
 
Love you all,
dad

Love you all, praying for you.
 
I just love God’s Word, it’s the book of success.  It tells you what it is and how to get it, and how to keep it.  One of the most important skillsets of success.  Repetition, God calls it steady plodding.  It brings prosperity.   Do you love repetition? Or do you easily tire of it?  Do you love repetition, do you love the beautiful grind of it?  If you don’t love repetition, you aren’t very good at anything…  You haven’t become an expert at anything.  Repetition – it’s what makes people great at something.  The Gino Auriemma principle.  We’re not going to do it til we get it right, we’re going to do it until we can’t get it wrong.  What’s the best grind there is?  His Word in your mouth! That’s what meditate on the Word is.  Repetition.  PRISM those five things you can do in God’s Word every day…  PRISM – Read the Word –.  Deuteronomy 17:19 - “It is to be with Him, and He is to read it all the days of his life, so that he may learn to revere the LORD his God and follow carefully all the words of this law and these decrees.  PRISM Meditate on the Word.  Joshua 1:8 - Keep this book of the law always on your lips.  Meditate on it day and night, so you will learn to do everything that is written in it.  For then you will make your way prosperous, and then you will have good success.  Your success depends on your life’s proximity to His truth.  Walk in it, and you will be successful, neglect it, and you will suffer loss.  Praying that you learn to embrace repetition, that you learn to love it.  Steph Curry’s pre-game workout is famous.  Repetition.  Repetition leads to skill, without repetition you cannot become expert at anything.  Praying that you will love the beautiful grind.  That steady plodding that brings prosperity.  The Most important repetition in life?  PiVAT before dinner…  It’s how you get His plans for you!  Praying that you will ask God, what repetitions He wants in your life.  That you will establish them, and never look back.    
 
Love you all,
dad

Love you all, praying for you,
 
I just love God’s Word.  It tells you of tests that will come, and the purpose of them – to grow you in victory.  The thing with tests, they rarely come announced, more of a pop quiz, they sneak up on you, you don’t really get a chance to prepare, your life is your preparation.  Your habits prepare you.   Humble, Obedient, and Diligent.  The best test preparation.  The other day I had just finished cutting the grass, edging all the sidewalks, trimming bushes, pulling weeds, I’d been going since 6:30 am and it was 1:00.  I finally pushed the big mower into the garage, put all the tools away, gloves etc…  And I walked out to check the mail, and do a ‘final glance.’  Remember, Your final glance, is their first impression.  – and you don’t get a second chance at a first impression.  That one paper, or leaf in your yard – after all the work you’ve done.  No way.  Finish.  As I went out to the mailbox, I immediately looked twice, and I had missed a strip of grass.  You’ve gotta be kidding me, I’ve gotta pull the mower all the way back out, get it started, cut the strip, then put it away – again, then I have to get the blower, and blow of the sidewalk – again.  Maybe I’ll just catch it next time.  Will anyone really notice?  Yes, but that’s not the point, you will notice, and God will notice.  God said whatever you do, work at it with all your heart.  That’s not doing anything, that’s talking about what God told you to do.  Like Jesus, only did what His Heavenly Father told them.  And He finished.  If God told you, do it with all your heart… finish.  It doesn’t matter if you’re tired or exhausted…  Finish.  With all your heart… If you have any heart left, finish.  That’s what Jesus did.  His last words…  It is finished.  God has called you to finish.   But we’re talking about a strip of grass, not bringing Salvation to the world.  “Faithful in little, and you’ll be faithful in much.”  If you left everything for tomorrow that could be done tomorrow, tomorrow would be so full of today’s assignments, that you would never know the wonderful things God had planned for you – for tomorrow.  Finish.  This is a test, this is only a test.  What other tests might come up today?  First make sure it’s what God told you to do.  If He didn’t, it doesn’t matter, you shouldn’t be doing it in the first place!  He didn’t tell you.  All you accomplish in Tarsus is meaningless, God told you Nineveh.  But if it’s what God told you, do it with all your heart, finish.  It’s the excellence of Christ.  It’s what He did, only what His Father told Him, and He did it completely, with excellence.  It’s the Spirit of Christ, it’s what you’re called to!  And Jesus goes with you!  Praying that you’ll finish today.  Every thing that He set before you. 
 
Love you all,
dad

Love you all, praying for you,
 
I just love God’s Word.  It tells you how to experience delight.    When was the last time you were delighted?  Not just a chuckle at a joke, or a cute picture of the kids or grandkids, but a permanent state of delight with life and hope and future!  God gives secrets.  Ps 119:35 – Direct me in the path of your commands, for there I find delight.   One of the biggest lies the devil tricks people with, is the hesitancy to give their life fully to God, as if He would make your life miserable trying to obey all his commands.  He clearly says – these commands are for your good!  He’s the God of good, He has good for you!  But you can only walk in it if you walk in his commands.  God translated this secret for me some time ago.  Obedience is a path – not a list.  God’s commands from His Word, and His Plans for your day (also His commands) are the path that leads to blessing, and joy, and delight.  Obedience will give you a life of permanent delight.  As you hear His voice, He confirms it, and blesses your obedience.  Praying that PiVAT has you following His commands today – His plans for you!  Way better than yours!  Praying that PRISM is what you soak in today.  Those five things you can do in His Word.  That you’ll come back to it often, because you’ve acquired a taste for it, and now you long for it!  Wisdom, Success, Peace, the prosperity that He has that’s beyond money and stuff…  Praying that you will do 4C’s faithfully every day.  Only takes five to seven minutes to know where God’s money is, so you can ask Him what He wants you to do with it.  Finances become a delight, not a dread!  You’re just hearing and obeying, & He’s leading.  Praying that you are overcoming daily with your Daily PiVAT Call praying for each other, and running in the plans He has for you!  Praying that you will love obedience and not avoid it.  That you see through the devil’s lie.  Obedience is a path, not a list.  Not do’s and don’t’s but places to get to!  And they are so very good!  You can trust Him.
 
Love you all,
dad

Love you all, praying for you,
 
I just love God’s Word.  It give truth for life.  And sometimes… it’s uncomfortable.  How did you do yesterday?  Did you grumble and complain? Or were your lips overflowing with thanksgiving and praise?  Were you patient – operating in that fruit of the Spirit if you walk in Him?  Or were you easily angered, or soon irritated?  Did you lay down your life for your husband or wife, or a friend?  Or were you more concerned with your desires, preference, or opinion?  God said several times in His Word that it is good to examine yourself.  How did you do yesterday?  2 Corinthians 13:5 – Examine yourselves to see whether you are in the faith; test yourselves…  Paul was encouraging the believers in Corinth to be sure they were walking in the commands of God, walking in the Spirit, not according to the natural desires of the flesh.  Paul himself said, “My conscience is clear, but that doesn’t make me innocent.  It is the Lord himself who will examine me and decide.”  Paul was saying.  You examine yourself, not by yourself, you ask God to reveal it.  David said, “Search me O God, and know me heart, test me and know my thoughts.  See if there be any wicked way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.”  It’s good to examine yourself.  How did you do yesterday?  Not to be sure you are saved.  Your performance doesn’t earn your Salvation, you are disqualified, you are saved by grace through faith in Christ alone!  But it is good to examine yourself to see if you are walking in the way that God called you, and the ways that God called you.  PIVAT is the way chosen for you – His plans for you today.  PRISM is His ways, His Word of truth and life.  How did you do yesterday, isn’t to beat yourself up about your failures, false humility is just an excuse.  It’s an opportunity to ask God to reveal anything that you might have missed, thank Him for the little victories He gave, Grace for your good choices.  And if you ever fell a little short.  You can make things right with God and others.  How did you do yesterday?  You examine yourself by asking God, thanking Him for His help in the good you did, thanking Him for his mercy if you screwed up in a couple of things.  And most importantly – thanking Him for the grace He gives – the favor and power to choose the best next time.  That’s what grace does, it helps you choose godliness.  You can walk in the Spirit! Today can be better than yesterday!  And no matter what happened, you can praise Him, it will encourage you as you walk in the Spirit, as you delight in His Word, and as you choose the path that He has chosen for your good!  How did you do yesterday?  How are you doing so far today?  Its never to late to make a better choice, the right choice.  He'll help you!  It’s always worth it!
 
Love you all,
dad

Love you all, praying for you,
 
I just love God’s Word.  It tells you who made marriage, and what it was made for.  Praying that you’ll listen to Part 1 and Part 2 -  Eleven Important Things In Marriage.  #1 Sex #2 Commitment #3 Love  #4 Communication  #5 Listen  #6 Deference

#7 – Vision – Without vision the people perish – cast off restraint.  There are some restraints in marriage.  God given boundaries that lead to a great marriage.  But understanding God’s vision for your marriage and your family is vital.  People with vision are the happiest, most hopeful, joyful, and most productive, content, and satisfied people.  They’re not where they want to be yet in life, but they’re making progress, they’re loving the journey, and they’re doing it with the person most important to them.  That means a lot.  Without vision in marriage, you lose direction, you lose hope, and you lose the will to even work on building a marriage stronger.  Only God can give you vision.  Talk about dreams and goals, but ask God what His vision is for you.  His vision for your marriage and your family, and your life together - is better than you can imagine, it will bring a satisfaction, contentment and excitement in your marriage that is worth working on, investing in, and loving to do together. 
 
#8  Laughter -  Laughter is a chemical reaction that draws people together.  Anytime you can laugh together your marriage grows.  Learn to not take yourself or even life too seriously.  Learn to laugh at yourself.  Don’t laugh at each other, never berate each other, not even alone, and never in public.  Never make a joke at your spouse’s expense, it’s not funny.  It exposes selfishness, not the selflessness that your spouse deserves from you.  Don’t laugh at each other, but laugh at yourself, and laugh together.  Sometimes what we do is funny, learn to laugh about things.  Even difficult things – God helps us laugh.  It might not have been funny at the time… but looking back, it’s kinda funny.  Do things that lead to laughter… communication, quality time.  The more time you spend together the more things you’ll find to laugh at, and laugh along with.  A life of laughter is a good life.  A marriage filled with laughter, is a good marriage.   
 
#9  Fun -  Do fun things together – things that one or the other or both of you love to do.  Schedule times, and things to do.  They don’t need to cost money.  Take a walk, read a book, watch a show, create something together, serve someone else.  Do something fun, not work related, with joy - just fun.  The more fun you have the better your marriage will be.
 
#10  Brag on them.  You should always have something good to say about your spouse in public.  If you build them up – you are actually building yourself up.  It’s a strange phenomenon.  You benefit every time you build up your spouse, because you are no longer two but one.  Every time you speak well of your spouse in public, not only do others grow in their respect for them, and rightly so, but they’ll grow in respect for you!  And you are reminded of how wonderful your spouse is, and what a perfect gift from God they really are.  They aren’t perfect, but neither are you, and why talk of things they are still growing in?  Talk about things they are great at, their qualities, their actions, their skills and abilities.  Don’t be like the person always wanting to show your vacation pictures… but the people you know, work with, or associate with should know that you are committed to your marriage by how well you speak of your spouse when they are not around, or even when they are.  Don’t be sappy or embarrassing, but give honor where honor is due, and your spouse is worthy of honor in the presence of others. 
 
#11 Look.  There’s a look that you give only to your spouse, where they just know how much you love them.  Look for the opportunity to look.  That communication with a glance, that is just between the two of you.  Others might catch you sometime, but they could never know the depth of what it is.  How much you love and honor, respect and cherish what God has given you in your spouse.  Have eyes for them only.  Let them know.  Look for the chance to look.       
 
Praying that you will review Eleven Important Things In Marriage.  That you’ll talk about them together with your spouse. Is there any other thing or things they feel are important for a good marriage?  It’s an investment that always brings a return.  Praying that your marriage will reflect the God who loves you, and others – as you love them with your life laid down.  So God can bring a blessing that will be a part of your legacy for generations to come. 
 
Love you all,
dad

Love you all, praying for you,
 
I just love God’s Word.  It tells you how to build a marriage that works!  Praying that you’ll listen to yesterday’s Part 1 -  Eleven Important Things In Marriage.  #1 Sex #2 Commitment
 
#3 Love – Love isn’t more important than commitment?  No.  Without commitment it’s not a marriage kind of love.  You love lots of people, you are committed to one.  You mean love isn’t more important than sex.  Nope.  In a marriage if you aren’t willing to have sex, you don’t love them – not as a spouse.  Love is the third most important thing in marriage.  Marriages are established through love, grounded in love.  Not the feeling, the choosing and the doing.  What is love for God?  To obey Him.  What is love for others?  To prefer them - their needs over yours.  And love for your spouse is a different kind of love, the supreme human love.  It’s not like love for God – that’s greater, but it is greater than any other human love – nothing else is even close to love for your spouse.  It’s not just to prefer them, it means to lay down your life for them – the highest level of preferring them over you.  You do that with your spouse – above anyone else.  To be preoccupied with what is best for them, what they need, and what you can do to make their life the best it can possibly be…  To bring them joy, happiness, security, and a feeling of value that no-one but God can do better than you.  Your pre-occupation with what is best for them – is not to the point where you neglect your responsibilities.  We have responsibilities in life.  You can’t spend all day every day with your spouse.  Some guys are all about loving their wife.  She doesn’t need another back rub, more flowers or to make her dinner… she needs you to get a job and provide for your family.  We’re not talking about love being obsessed with someone, that’s not love, that psychosis.  We’re talking about love being committed to their good, fulfilling your own responsibilities in life, being everything you can be – for them…  And then doing everything you can do for them – so their life is filled with affection, confirmation, and support in all five love languages – in everything they need from a spouse that is their lover and best friend for life.   The only way you can love your spouse like this, is to first love God, then love them.  You can’t put them first, God comes first, they come second, and God will show you how to love them like they need the most, to love them and lay down your life for them, like He does. 
 
#4 Communication – Listening, speaking, understanding, agreeing, and affirming.   Conversation that leads to their sense of being loved and valued - is part of communication.   And communication goes beyond just words.  Everything you do to make them sense your love for them, is a part of communication in marriage.  Love Languages – We won’t go into them here, read the book, or goto the website.  Learn your spouse’s love languages and invest in them daily.  It will bring great results and great reward in your marriage.  Worth every bit of investment.  Communication requires regularly scheduled times.  Couch Time, and Date Nights.  Communication must be a priority time investment if you want a fulfilled marriage, and a fulfilled life. 
 
#5  Listen -  A very important thing in marriage and communication is to listen.  If you love someone, if you prefer them over yourself – you will listen.  That’s the first thing that demonstrates love.  If you are willing to listen, they will feel important, valued, they will feel like you love them.  It’s not just loving our spouse, they have to feel loved, or it doesn’t really count.  Not that it doesn’t count for anything, but if they don’t feel loved by you, are you really loving them?  We’re talking about love as a commitment not a feeling.  Listening means not talking, not fixing, sometimes not saying anything, Just let them say what they think, and what they feel.  It’s hard when things need fixed… or you’ve heard it before.  But a secret to listening is make time for it.  Just listening.  We’re talking about the recognition of love from you that they can see and feel – that’s obvious to them.  The better you get at listening, the better your marriage will become. 
 
#6  Deference – In marriage, you either defer to the preference of your spouse or insist on the preference of yourself.   If you always insist on having your way, that’s not really love, and your spouse won’t feel loved.  We’re not talking about compromise.  In compromise you give up something to get something.  But in marriage love defers because love gives without expecting anything in return.  Deferring is to give something to someone else important to them, that you choose to give, for their benefit and enjoyment.  That doesn’t mean you should compromise on mutually agreed upon non-negotiables in marriage… But it does mean giving up something that’s important to you, for something that’s important to them.  Even simply willing to yield to another way of doing something… Or what they would enjoy or rather do at this time, before something you would rather do, or a way you would rather do it.  You only prefer things because you think they’re better, but they may not be.  You may just be unaware of things better than what you’ve experienced or how you have always done it.  A person unwilling to defer doesn’t have a good marriage.  They don’t want the best for their spouse they want the best for themselves.  Only its just what they think is best for themselves, not what really is.  God gave you a spouse for a reason – defer whenever you can.  Learn what they love, and learn to love to do what they love, so they feel loved.  Love them more than you love you.
 
Praying you’ll come back tomorrow for the rest of Eleven Important Things in Marriage…
 
Love you all,
dad

Love you all, praying for you,
 
Let’s just take a couple days if we need to on this one.  11 Important Things in marriage. 
 
What’s the most important thing in marriage?  Sex, not even close.  Shouldn’t commitment be first, because sex without commitment isn’t marriage.  Without commitment sex is meaningless, not a marriage… that is true, but commitment without sex isn’t marriage either or even really commitment.  What are you committed to?  You aren’t committed to a marriage if you aren’t committed to sex.  “Sex isn’t everything in marriage.”  Yes it is.  Spoken by someone who doesn’t have a sex life, or whose sex life needs work…  Why is sex so important in marriage?  If your sex life is good, it will lead to other things being good, it’s the oil in the engine – trying running one without it.  It will break down, you’ll destroy the engine.  There is one thing that God designed that He reserved for marriage alone.  One thing.  Sex.  It’s the one thing He commanded – don’t have with anyone else except your spouse.  Not before marriage, not after marriage.  God designed sex within marriage, not just for procreation, but oneness, intimacy.  And it’s more than just physical oneness, it’s spiritual oneness.  It’s called consummating a marriage for a reason.  And every time you have sex with your spouse, you are consummating, completing that marriage, that God put together.  How often should you have sex?  Daily at least...  Would you ever go a day without talking to your spouse?  Without listening to your spouse?  Without checking on them to see if they are ok, how their day went? or helping them - if they need anything.  Would you ever go a day without thinking about your husband or your wife?  Then why would you go a day without sex with your spouse, without completing your marriage with your spouse? But that’s impossible.  No it isn’t, if it’s a priority.  (Certainly if you are apart because of business travel or military service etc… and God gives grace for that.)  But that’s not what we’re talking about.  We’re talking about most marriages where spouses generally live together and see each other every day, or the majority of the days.  Well that doesn’t sound romantic.  Who said sex is only for romance?  Romance makes sex better, but God never said sex with romance is the consummation of a marriage.  God’s Word said sexual intercourse – that physical and spiritual union, that which is reserved for you and your spouse only is what completes – or consummates a marriage.  You should want your marriage complete every day.  You might not have time for three hours of candles and rose petals, you’ve got diapers to change, and you work!  But if you’re committed to a marriage that is a marriage of oneness, you’ll have sex daily at least.  You’ll have sex for the benefit of your spouse, not yourself, and you’ll have sex whether you feel like it or not.  You don’t always feel like it.  What does that have to do with anything?  But if you’d rather watch the game than have sex, you’re a sucky husband.  I don’t want my daughters ever marrying someone like you.  If you want to take a nap or read a book rather than have sex, you’re a crappy wife, I don’t want my son to ever marry someone like you.  Do you think God wants for his children anyone like that?  Sex is the most important thing in marriage, not even close.  It’s the first thing you commit to when you get married.  Not merely, not having sex with someone else other than you spouse, but having sex with your spouse.  Sex isn’t even one of the five love languages, it encompasses all of it.  It’s a completion, a privilege, an honor, and a commitment.  What is commitment in marriage – that they are the only one you will have sex with for the rest of your life.  And then that they are the one who is your priority of time, and attention, friendship, confidence, intimate conversation, love, care and affection – your priority.  No one else gets these things other than them.  Some say communication in marriage is as important as sex.  No it’s not.  If you have great communication but no sex, that’s a good friendship, not a marriage.  If you have sex, but not great communication – your willingness to have sex increases the desire and probability of better communication.  It doesn’t guarantee it, but it opens the door for it.  If you’re not having sex, I guarantee, the communication in your marriage isn’t great.  Some might say – we’re not communicating right now, so I’m not having sex with them.  Sometimes that’s the first step of communication.  It tells your spouse, we aren’t communicating great on everything right now, but I love you enough to show you.  If your willing to have sex every day, you are more likely to be willing to work on your communication, unless you’re just selfish.  And that never leads to good sex or good communication.  Sex like communication - isn’t self-centered, it’s spouse-centered.  The most important thing in marriage is the physical and spiritual oneness that God designed for a husband and wife exclusively.  Praying that you will understand the importance of sex not for yourself, but for your marriage, and make it a priority.  So God can grow your oneness.  It’s what He created oneness for.  It’s not just physical, it reflects the spiritual. 
 
#2 – The second most important thing in marriage - Commitment.  Keep your vows.  Those who wonder if marriage is really worth it, soon consider whether they should stay or leave.  Those who wonder if they should stay or leave will never have a good marriage, they will probably end in divorce, more than once… or their marriage will suck for years, the rest of their life…  Don’t use the D word.  Divorce is not for you.  (We’re not talking about abusive relationships – they aren’t fulfilling their marriage vow, they are criminals, separate from anyone abusive.  It won’t get better over time, it will get worse.  That’s not what God has for you, to be in danger of physical harm from a spouse.  Get to safety, then then get Godly counsel.)  But in marriage, commitment is the second most important thing – both of you must be committed.  You won’t always feel in love.  Sometimes people think they are no longer in love, but just cause you don’t feel it one day, doesn’t mean you’re not in love.  You are just focused on the wrong thing, what’s bad not what’s good, their weaknesses, not their strengths.  And if you keep doing that - you can fall out of love…  But what does that have to do with marriage?  You could fall in and out on a daily basis depending on how you treat each other.  That’s why marriage is a vow, not a feeling. A lifelong commitment, not a ‘we’ll see what happens.’  The more committed you are, the more willing you are to work on feelings.  Feelings come from actions.  Sometimes feelings come or go because of misunderstood actions, you can choose to take something the wrong way, or be upset about something they didn’t mean, or didn’t even realize they did.  Or they just made a mistake, they were selfish, like you’ve never been…  Commitment makes you quick to forgive, and willing to work on things to love your spouse better, and feelings will follow.  The second most important thing in marriage – is commitment.  Without it, it’s really not a marriage – its an experiment. 
 
Listen again tomorrow, and we’ll continue 11 Important Things In Marriage. 
 
Love you all,
dad