A Question For Your Spouse
Love you all, praying for you.
I just love God’s Word. It tells you how to live a life that’s blessed. Have you ever noticed what makes a blessed life? Not the amount of money you have, or stuff you have, it’s the quality of relationships that you have. I love that God’s Word tells you how to relate well... Whether spouse, family, friends, neighbors, strangers, even enemies – it tells you how to build quality relationships that enrich the lives of others, and impact your life as well. Do you remember The Best Question Ever? What do you need most from God today? Praying that you’ll ask God this question for yourself every day, and ask it of someone else – it’s instant ministry! You’ll be surprised, even strangers will tell you. And you can pray for them - the Holy Spirit will speak God’s voice, God’s Will, and His Love for them - through your prayer. But have you ever thought about asking a similar but slightly different question of your spouse? What do you need most from me today? Most people think about what they need from their spouse. But do you think of what they need from you? You might ask them. They might tell you. Have you ever seen that picture of the young lady that is really an old lady, or is it an old lady that’s really a young lady? What do you think of first? What your wife needs from you? Or what you need from her? What your husband needs from you, or what you need from Him? Have you ever seen the marriage reality shows on tv? They are so awkwardly painful to watch most of the time, but the draw is the pure reality of human nature. Almost forty year-olds talking about 'that’s what I need in a wife.' Most of them are considering if this is the person that’s best for me. Few think if they will be the person that’s best for them. No one is really. No one is best for you, they decide to be or not. Just like you must decide if you will be, or neither of you will be the best person for your spouse. People who always think first of –“If this is the person that’s best for them," may be revealing why they are still unmarried, or divorced, or their marriage sucks - that’s not the question. What do they need from you? Are you willing to be what they need? Are you the spouse of their dreams? Not are they the spouse of your dreams. No one is a dream spouse - you learn to be. And the best way to get one, is to be one. It’s amazing the changes that can occur for those who are willing to become, more than wondering if this is the one... Clearly there is a type of person best for you to marry. People have different goals and values. Trying to please someone who doesn’t share your values, is a waste of time. That’s why dating is most often divorce practice. But if you’re married. Consider asking them the question, "What do you need most from me today?" And then - just do what they need most. You might not get it right at first, but they’ll notice that you’re trying. Don’t judge whether they’re doing what you need most. You do your part first. Let God take care of them. Divorce is extremely rare between marrieds who seek to become for their spouse what they need most. Divorce happens often between marrieds who constantly think about whether their spouse is giving them what they need or not. That’s a conversation you might have… but not the conversation to have first. You be for them - first. The Love Languages Ministry recently sent a text about a clue that helps your marriage. What your spouse complains about – may indicate their primary love language, or a love language that’s not being filled, that part of their love tank that’s running on empty. Not that you should complain, a marriage of complainers is miserable. You’re better off to communicate honestly about needs, but first ask them, "What do you need most from me today?" They’ll probably ask you right back… and maybe you both can gain insight on what to work on. It’s love in action. And active love will always grow.
Love you all,
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Kelly Kamentz - Jesus follower, husband, father, and friend, helping others surrender time, thoughts, money, and testimony, to fulfill their purpose!