Are You Single?

Love you all, praying for you,
 
I just love God’s Word.  It is truth and life, for whatever stage of life you are in.  It’s truth for the rest of your life.  That book is living and active, sharper than any double-edged sword, it divides between truth and lie, good and evil, important and superfluous, even the motives of the heart.    Are You Single?  Are you open to getting married one day?  Do you wish you were already married today?  If you are single, and a woman, what should your focus be?  If you are single and a man, what should your focus be?  What should you be doing now in the meantime?  I would encourage you to read the Relationship Topic - 11 Things You Need in a Husband – if you’re a man.  So you can become what she needs by the time you meet her.  If you do, it won’t be a hard sell, it’ll be easy.  I pray that you will read the Relationship Topic - 11 Things You Need In A Wife – if you’re a woman.  So you can become what He needs by the time you meet him.  If you do, he’ll have no doubt, it will be a no-brainer.  He’ll have to marry you.  He’d be stupid not to!  At least he’ll ask, and the choice is yours.  Most people read these to find out what their spouse should be for them, rather than what they should be for their spouse.  Which one would you read first?  What you need, or what they need.  Become one before you get one.  Some people wonder why can’t I find a good woman?  Or Why can’t I find a good man?  The answer – is often in the mirror, become one, and you’ll get one.  If you are preparing, you can trust God for the timing.  If you aren’t preparing, you’re delaying His timing.  He might be waiting on you?   Don’t make them wait!   And if God has you waiting now, in this season, know for sure - they will be worth the wait.    So what if you are Single, and a woman?  What should your focus be?  #1 – Become Christlike – learn to hear and obey.  Humble yourself.  Kindness and a quiet gentle spirit – is powerful in life, and marriage.  If you hear and obey now, it will be invaluable to your husband, who is learning the same.  It will bring unity with ease, not struggle.  God will lead both you easily. Do PiVAT before dinner walk with someone, learn to obey together.  Do PRISM every day, be transformed in your mind, so you are an Esther in your generation.  And the man of God that He has for you will be blessed form the day that you meet him, for the rest of his life.  #2 – Become what your husband needs.  Its probably not what you think.  Take the time to learn and become what will be a lifelong blessing to your husband.  #3 – Save for the future!  For a wedding and a debt-free life – Debt-free house is a debt-free life.  No mortgage, no rent.  Now is your opportunity.  Don’t waste money on stupid stuff, temporary things, you will need those resources for your life together more than your life apart, and what you saved to prepare for your future, you will never regret.  Why struggle financially, when you could be like the ant, storing up in summer, because winter is coming. This is even better, store now for your marriage that will be here sooner than you think – as long as you’re not always thinking about it.  You will be so glad to have saved for the coming needs of your family, rather than wish you hadn’t blown hundreds or thousands of dollars on fleeting pleasures with people who don’t really love you, who you won’t marry, and with whom you won’t have much contact if any, when you start your family.  You will never regret saving for your family needs.  It’s your husband’s job to provide, he isn’t marrying you for your career, he doesn’t need you to provide for the family, He does.  But whatever you can bring to the table, hopefully savings, not debt.  Whatever you can save, you’ll be so glad you did, and you’ll need it more later.  So will be grateful that God gave you the wisdom to look ahead toward the future, rather than squander the opportunity to prepare today.  So what does your husband need?  1. Sex – When he marries you, you’re his only option.  If you don’t want to have sex with him every day for the rest of your life – do not marry him.  God has someone for him who wants to, and who will, who values physical and spiritual unity and intimacy in marriage.  It’s what God designed for your blessing! Save this precious gift for him.  God designed it for marriage, you don’t need to practice, or see if you’re compatible – when God brings the man He created you for, and him for you – that won’t be a problem, it will be a joy.  .2. Faithfulness – be faithful to your marriage vows.  If you crave the attention of males, instead of being content with the attention of your husband. you’re not marriage material.  Don’t screw up someone’s life.  Be faithful to your husband – even now.  3. Respect – if you don’t respect him, do not marry him – God has someone else for him. Respect is given even before it’s fully earned.  .4. Support – God has a helpmate for him who will believe in him, and support him in whatever God puts his hand to.  If he knows you believe in him, he’ll gladly take on the world!  And if you will come alongside him, he will be grateful forever.  5. Relationship Peace.   – He contends all day long, he doesn’t want to come home and contend with you.  Learn the beauty of humility, Godly submission, and great influence.  6. Home Peace - God’s Order brings peace.  Learn to live in God’s order not disorder.  Regular disposition, the methodical arrangement of things – your room, your car, and your house.  5 Steps of Stewardship.  So he can come home to a house of peace, not confusion, chaos, disorder and every evil habit.  If you do not know how to live in a house in God’s order, you will not be able to give him a house of peace.  Humble yourself.  Change.  He doesn’t need you to make money.  He doesn’t care how great a job you have, or how impressive your career is.  (If God calls you to work outside the home, and you can create a home of peace, and children who thrive – he will support you.  But he does not need you to have a great career.  He needs a wife, not a roommate who will split the costs.  He’s capable, and God is faithful.  .7. Contentment – You have to love him, more than money.  Not always wanting more, pressuring both of you to spend beyond your means.  If you aren’t happy with a zero-money date, because you’d rather be with him, then spend money… Then you’re not ready for marriage, or he’s not the one.  If you aren’t content now, you won’t be content then.  Learn it now.  Content isn’t complacent. It’s willing to sacrifice now, to benefit later. 
 
So if you’re a man, and you’re single, what should your focus be?   #1 – Become Christlike – learn to hear and obey.  Humble yourself.  PiVAT before dinner, get God’s plans for you, not your plans for you.  Because God’s plans are way more than you could ever come up with, and the wife God has for you – will be drawn like moth to the flame, to a man who knows how to hear and obey.  That’s security.  Money comes and goes, jobs come and go.  You can be laid off in a minute – people less effective than you keep their jobs because they’re cheaper.  Companies go out of business, war or manufactured civil crisis can eliminate them.  But if you can hear God’s voice, and you know His plan for you, that’s the best security there is.  She won’t marry you, if she feels unsure, insecure.  If your confidence is in God, and His way for you, her confidence will be God in you.  Because you listen and follow, you hear and obey.  That is the best place she could ever be – pursing God’s purpose and plan with you together.  #2 – Become what your wife needs – It’s probably not what you think.  Take the time to learn to be what will be a blessing for the wife of a lifetime!   #3 – Save for the future!  For a wedding, a honeymoon, and a debtfree life – debt-free house is a debt-free life.  No mortgage, no rent.  You’ll be free to do what God calls you to do, and she’ll be free to do what God calls her to do, what she loves.  You’ll be fulfilling your calling, and purpose, not the job you have to stay in to pay the bills.  Don’t waste your money on single life with the boys.  You’re not going to marry them, they’re gonna get married and focus on their family.  Don’t waste your money on stupid stuff, temporary things.  Save money to be able to provide for your wife and family.  You’ll never regret it.  If all she wants is money – that’s not the one for you.  But if she is willing to stay with you for richer or poorer, why not save now, to bless her then.  Be like the ant they save in the summer and eat well in the winter.  You don’t have to be a millionaire to get married, she doesn’t expect that, but she will be grateful for what you have saved for your life together, and God’s purpose for your family.  Whatever you think you need now, you’ll be so grateful that you sacrificed now, so you don’t struggle later needlessly.  Money issues are the biggest cause for divorce – different priorities and values, the curse of debt, the love of money instead of God and your spouse.  Learn to steward God’s money well, Get a 4C’s tool.  Be faithful daily, know the condition of your flock, work diligently and let God bring the increase.  You’ll need it then more than you need it now, and you will be so glad that you did!  Read the Money Packet – know God’s Word on money – so you thrive financially.  Just obey with it.  God’s got you.  He will provide.  So what does your wife need?  #1 Security – If you are unstable, she will feel the weight of responsibility that belongs on your shoulders.  Be diligent – work as unto the LORD.  Diligence is the precious possession of a man.  It honors God, and it will make your wife proud of you. Learn to be stable emotionally.  It doesn’t mean you will never feel down, and she will be with you in the low times.  But learn like David, to encourage yourself in the LORD.  You should be the strong one, she shouldn’t have to pick you up all the time.  You should do that for her.  She needs someone she can depend on, not that depends on her.  Depend on God, walk with Him, put your faith and trust in Him, and she will feel secure in His love and yours.   #2 Listen – If she feels heard, she will feel loved.  Let her finish, don’t fix it.  Just listening will make her feel loved.  Sometimes a hug is what she needs, not a solution.  Talk less, listen more.  Share your heart, put your hope in God.  #3 Be all about her, but not all about her.  When you’re married, you’re shopping days are over, you give your entire attention to this one, and forsake all others til death do you part.  Some guys get so used to shopping, they can’t stop.  Stop looking for a wife, become who God has called you to be, a husband she dreams of - and God will bring her to you.  Don’t give away intimate conversations and affections.  You wouldn’t want her doing it, so don’t you do it.  Stop dating women, you’re not going to marry them.  Don’t waste time, money and affection on someone else’s wife.  Save your attention for your own wife!  But don’t be all about her.  Some guys are so consumed with the girl, she wonders if they even have a life.  She doesn’t really want to be with you 24/7.  She wants to follow where you lead, not wonder when you’ll leave.  Get a life, Get God’s plan.  Be going somewhere! So she can follow! #4 – Love – She wants to be your first priority, your first thought.  She needs someone who will lay down their life for her, she was made that way.  Love always protects.  Read the love chapter I Corinthians 13.  Start with your family members.  If you learn to love others, loving your wife will come naturally.  Love is sacrificial in every area, time, conversation, intimacy.  Learn her needs and ask God how - to help you meet them.  Start with your family members, or the elderly neighbor.  Ask God to help you see needs and fill them.  Point them to Jesus, it’s the love of Christ that compels you.  Learn to serve others, and serving your wife will be easy.  She’ll notice, and appreciate it.   Learn her love language, and ask God to help you fill them all.  Start now with your friends.  See what they need, and be there for them.  #5 – Fun – learn to laugh, don’t take yourself too seriously, learn to do fun things, God is the best spontaneity planner, ask Him, He knows great date nights.  Use your words wisely.  Never tear down, always build.  Your words make your life – and she will be stuck in the life your words create.  If your words don’t create a life worth living in, who would want to marry you?  Faith is a virtue, Hope is a magnet.  Know God’s Word and God’s Promise, and see the hope that He gives, not the waves around you.  Fun things don’t always require money.  What makes things fun, is people who can enjoy them.  Fun people always do fun things.  She wants her life to be an adventure with you!  #6 – Serve – Jesus said, I have come to serve, not to be served.  If you have a humble and Godly wife, she will gladly serve you, but if you are to be the leader of your home, you will need to serve.  It’s not her job to do everything around the house.  I know you go to work, but she probably does too, at least until children come, and after they do come, she works harder than you no matter what job you have.  Help her to carry her load.  Give her breaks, take the kids, do the chores, wash the dishes, fold the laundry.  One friend of ours said, ‘There’s nothing sexier than a man folding laundry.”  Help her feel loved by the action you take.  Tell her how valuable she is, and how miserable your life would be without her.   So if you’re single – how do you work on this?  Serve others.  Value them, let them know.  Find ways to communicate love to others, family members and friends, and you will learn to see opportunities to serve.  #7 Be faithful.  That starts now.  Don’t spend your energy on women, but on what God is calling you to do and become.  Show me a man skilled at his labor, he will stand before kings, he will not stand before mere men.  Don’t chase women – chase success through obedience.  Get God’s plans, trust him with the timing.  Know God’s Word – PRISM every day – Get wisdom, so you’ll be respected at the city gate, not like the fool who has nothing to say.  She will be proud of you, proud to be with you.  Save all of your time energy, and attention for her.  She’s coming, God can’t bring her, if you’re chasing anything that walks.  That’s not for you.  If you’re faithful now, you’ll be faithful then. 
 
Praying that you will love God while you are single.  That you will become Christlike, learn to love your spouse by loving your family and those around you, and that you’ll save for the future.  That you will love being single and the opportunity to prepare that it brings.  Praying that you will love your husband and love your wife, even before you meet them.  That you will be content in the waiting because you’re becoming! 
 
Love you all,
dad