Why Do People Argue

Love you all, praying for you. 
 
I just love God’s Word.  It is truth and life.  It is the instruction manual for human behavior.  The hands-on training for how to treat people – how to win in relationships – if you follow it.  Have you ever seen people argue?  I even ran across something that said “How to win arguments”  I didn’t bother reading it.  That misses the point.  You can win the argument, and lose the relationship.  It’s not about being right, it’s about being righteous.  Seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added unto you.  All what things?   All every thing that is good, that will lead to fullness, peace, prosperity, and joy in your life, and everything you need.  Have you ever thought about this?  Why do people argue?  #1) They want to be right  #2) They don’t want to be wrong, even less, be told that they are wrong.  #3) They don’t want to listen, they want to be heard  #4) They don’t want to change – ignorance is bliss.  #5) They are proud, they are not humble.  #6) They want to change people’s minds.  #7) They want to control them, they want others to do what they want them to do.  #8) They want to think they won, when really, they lost.  #9) They are impatient – #10) They lack wisdom, “a man’s wisdom gives him patience.  #11) They don’t love.  Love means prefer others – their point of view.  That’s means not arguing, but listening.  It doesn’t mean you have to agree with them, or follow it, but it does mean you have to hear and understand them, and respect them enough to let them keep it, if they are not ready to change it.  Arguing is a loss for you as much as them, whether you think you won the argument or not.  You lost the opportunity to gain new information, or at least a new and deeper understanding, if not about the subject matter, about the person you are arguing with – who is precious to God.  You lost the opportunity to listen, to honor, and respect someone enough to let them be wrong if need be... (and much of the time, you’re wrong, they’re not).  Of all the reasons to argue not one is admirable, or commendable.  Speaking the truth in love is not an argument.  It can only happen in an environment of mutual respect, listening and understanding, so they drop their guard enough for you to plant seeds of truth.  How often are you right?  Far less than you think.  And when you are right… how often are you still wrong (in your approach, or delivery)?  More often than you realize.  God said "The wise overlook offense, they are quick to listen, (not quick to argue) -  any fool is quick to quarrel."  Just like, let another praise you and not your own mouth.  The same principle applies for defending yourself.  Verbal jousting isn’t as profitable as most people think.  The best defender of you is God, and the second best defender of you is others, not you.  Praying that you will gain a new skill – smelling.  That you would learn to smell an argument coming, so you can take another route instead, a better route.   Moments of non-conflict are far more effective than the heat of the moment.  It takes great wisdom and maturity not to argue.  God said it’s to a man’s honor, to avoid offense.”  To pass on the opportunity to argue… when you just gotta say something!  No, you don’t.  Let God speak.  He has many ways of doing so.  Let the Holy Spirit lead you.  The greatest influence is not an argument.  It’s listening.  Do you know the greatest bait that always starts an argument?  Needing to have the last word.  You can’t let that snide remark go unchecked.  You just can’t leave something unsaid…  So that next argument is off to the races.  Sometimes the most powerful, slam dunk, come-back - is silence.   Praying that you will learn to pray instead of say.  Praying that you will love them enough to let them be wrong (you might be), praying that you will seek to understand, before you seek to make your point.  Praying that you will become mature enough to leave things unsaid.  Praying that you will leave arguing to others, so you can grow in effectiveness. and influence, and in the image of the One who created you.  He doesn’t have to argue.  He invites. 
 
Love you all,
dad